False Pretense

i came to work and everybody said i look so sick. this stress is just eating me inside out. i would really love to turn over a new leaf. i hope i can do it. and i hope you'll be there to guide me. i want to start anew, with you. but how can i when i've done the worst to you. once again, i wished that our brain is like the memory card. keep the good ones, delete the bad ones.

once again, i am so so so sorry.

I hate this feeling. I wish to be gone from this world.

 I'm lonely and I feel so insecure. This is karma getting back at me. Just come quick and finish it off early. I'm all prepared for this.

 I know the SG Idol competition is over. But i just couldn't get over the fact that (lots of) racism still exist in this modern community of ours. Firstly, i was shocked that the Newpaper article was what sylvia could have done wrong that she didnt win, and not more about the winner and the talent himself. But my point is, the article was bias all the way through. Well, not that im a big fan of the Newpaper anyway. Their grammar sucks and their points are rather lame. (I wonder why they were chosen as journalists in the first place). And i was just curious what they'd write since the Today article about the win is rather neutral.

And that was over. But then just now as i was browsing through FB, i found the pages "Sylvia Ratonel should have won SG Idol" and "Sezairi shouldn't have won SG Idol". Like wtf? And i was shocked again to find all the racist remarks posted by them. Face it, Syl fans just didnt vote enough. No need to blame it on the mere 13% of the malay community and "sms spams"!

Sighs, poor Sezairi. He's so innocent and gets condemned for winning. 

Anyway, i'm happy that my 3 votes didnt go to waste!
See! I only vote 3 times lei! like that also he can win.

Oh and since its a talent show, i think sez performances are so much better than syl.
During mercy, i hated her outfit. Its gold and silver and she looks like a pub hostess.
During yellow, i hated her version. She sounded so out of tune. and i really hated her for ruining my fav song.
During touched by an angel, i was already convinced that she wouldnt win the competition.

Ok i'll stop here. Its 4 am already and i need to wake up early tmrw to clean the house!

P/s:
Next year..
Greenday with the bro,
BLG with the bf,
and BSB with the gf.
=D

And that's only for the first 2 months of 2010.

Am also checking the apple store daily to buy a refurb macbook!

I learnt something from my dearest boyfriend just now.
Even though people may be rude to you, you dun retort back, cause it just makes you one of them.
So from now onwards, i'll just be patient and act as if nothing had happened..
=)

Jvs high tea session tomorrow. and i hope all the jambass will be able to attend.
They MUST, cause i've bought the tickets already!
And i saw mrs neo, chia and alfred the other day.
They all said i still look the same, just that i've grown taller.
And that 4B is still the best class ever, 'cause the batches after that are worst.
Mrs neo and alfred still wished they still had us!
Hah hah hah.
I know lah my class was the best&coolest class and that we felt we had disappointed alfred the most, but surprisingly we are so dearly missed by her!
=D

cant wait to set up my very own phone line, cable, and broadband!
haven't you heard i'm living independently on weekdays already???
=)

i think i better should start praying again..
look at those people.
they are not muslims but they never fail to pray everyday..
One of them do not even want to eat if he forgets or have no time to pray.
And me?
Hmm, jangan tunggu bila dah susah, baru nak ingat Tuhan.
=)

I hate to do this again, especially when it's involving you.
Please do not think that you are so so great, that you can tell me what to do and whether you're approving it or not.
The only thing i look up to is my Creator... (and my HOD lah, parents lah, grandparents lah.)
And you're no authoritative figure eh. So please stop acting as one just because u're older.
Face it. You're so small (literally and metaphorically speaking).
In fact, whenever i talk to you, i reallllly look down on you.
I think only your mouth is the only thing that's big ah. Urghh.

So you're easily terasa eh?
Now this whole thing is about you.
The previous one wasn't ALL about you.
So stop thinking too much and start swallowing the whole of this.
And it's so much better if you dun say anything back, you know?



Haiz. This is so effing stupid. i cant believe i'm doing this, but i definitely want to get it off my chest.
Patience, patience, patience.
Ignorance, ignorance, ignorance.

 And now i remember why i named this False Pretense. 


Sighs.

my grandparents will be returning to kl tomorrow.. for many2 months.
i'll miss them like crazy.
cried all the way back home.
thanks dzariif for the tissues and consoles.

even though i'm not ready, i think i'll do what nenek wants me to do.
hmmm... so when should i move in?
i hope i won't be scared living alone.
time to grow up and be independent...

yet again, maybe this is what i've always wanted.

will be waking up really early tomorrow to buy some gifts for them.
hopefully i'll be on time, and won't cry infront of them...

i'll miss my nenek and her stories and her cooking..
i hope she won't like living there, so after a few months later, they'll shift back here.
can't wait for that. =)
in the meantime, i'll pray for them to be safe always.